Hello friends and family,
I just wanted to let y’all know that all is stable on the cancer front. The CT scan report from Monday showed that the size of the primary tumor is unchanged from the scans of 8 weeks ago and that the “nodal infiltrates” that were visible in my lungs had basically resolved, presumably confirming that this was inflammation and nothing to worry about.
I was in the office with Kim with the oncologist came in and gave me the good news that the disease was stable. Kim said all of the blood drained from my face. At that moment, “stable” meant “no longer being crushed into oblivion, never to return” and so I got spooked. I turned into Casper, by the unfriendly ghost of fear. I have to be reminded that living and thriving are very good things. The oncologist is thrilled that it seems we have found the right balance of drug efficacy and side effect minimization. I must be a patient patient. Thank you Lord. And thank you to all who have been praying for us. And to my friends and family out there fighting this disease, know that I love you and pray for you.
Yesterday was the birthday of my twin daughters, Caroline and Samantha (shown in the pic). It also happens to be the 4 year anniversary of the diagnosis of my cancer. I had that ill-fated colonoscopy on their birthday back in 2013, not expecting that I would forever associate their special day with “the curse”.
Right now, the extra significance allows us to celebrate the life we share. But someday it may be that they just want to stay in bed instead of facing a day that reminds them of death (sorry to be so blunt). I got a glimpse of this when I awoke yesterday morning as Caroline came in crying to my bedside. She missed her grandfather, Gibby, who died last year of cancer. And, of course, there is her father, resting from the previous day’s trip out of town for treatment for this same indifferent killer. Reminders of the brokenness of this world on a child’s birthday. Ugh.
My hope for them as they get older, regardless of who is or isn’t around the table when their birthday cakes are cut, is that they remember the preciousness of life and thus celebrate that day with fervor, appreciating every lit candle. And if there are tears, I want them to be tears of joy and not sadness. Remembrance, appreciation, anticipation, and excitement putting appropriate smiles on their faces.
And we saw these smiling faces last night as we celebrated their 14th birthdays. I love these girls so, so much. They are as different in personality as they are in appearance. They have unique gifts (and needs). As Kim reminded me in a recent Instagram post, next year they will attend different high schools, which brings its own uncertainty and excitement. I look forward to April 11, 2018 when we all celebrate these next 12 months together. I can’t wait to see what happens next with these beautiful kids and our crazy lives.