Good news with heavy heart

Greetings folks

I want to thank you all for your prayers, good wishes, and loving service to my family and me. Kim and I have good news to report. I had a CT scan on Monday, and the treatment I’ve been receiving has been working. At this point, the only cancer that is visible on the CT scans (resolution > 5mm) is the primary tumor down in the lower plumbing (so to speak). And even that tumor shrunk a little. We seem to have gotten an early Christmas present.

OK, so this is great news. But I report it with a heavy heart, having heard about a couple of tragedies recently, which has made me less inclined to bring up the promising results from the clinical trial in which I’m participating in Nashville, TN.

I’m not a liberty to speak about these tragedies, but suffice to say they involve deaths to young people. And for some reason, its happening before Christmas seems to make it even sadder, though it doesn’t change the impact of the tragedy at all. We all know it will make Christmas difficult for these families for years to come.

When I first heard the news about the most recent tragedy (a deadly car accident), I couldn’t help feeling some numbness. Pity yes, but without a hopeful way to explain tragic events, it feels like our lives are often marked by the repeated acceptance of bad news and then a heads-down pressing-on. Like a migrating herd.

But this is no way to live. Numbness is godlessness, godlessness is hopelessness and hopelessness is deathly. We are called to rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep (Rom 12:15), not live numbed.

When I received the good news on Monday, I was hesitant to call it great news because that would be cause for celebration, and how can we celebrate while our friends and family are hurting? How can I celebrate when I know there is another test in the future, another result, which, if of the bad variety, might spoil the memories of the celebration?

I can’t lie and tell you that Christmas would have been just as merry had I heard that the drugs weren’t working. Had cancer continued to grow or even spread, I’d be dealing with anxiety and fear; the great news we received will “make our hearts light” as we spend time with family and friends. But this reveals the spiritual battle, doesn’t it? Is my happiness, hope and thankfulness dependent upon bi-weekly or bi-monthly test results?

Alas, my focus must remain on being thankful for the life that I have today. It probably isn’t what I would have chosen, but I can promise you that feeling it in constant threat makes it all the more rich because I’m constantly having to remind myself what I find most important and making this my home. I can’t help but think that this is more than my own personal condition, because tragedies remind us all that time is short and life is precious.

I may have become wary of celebrating news regarding my disease, but I appreciate the excited responses that I’ve received from friends and family this week regarding the scans. Even with a heavy heart for those that are hurting and the fear of the possibility that I might have to let you all down with bad news in the future, I again choose to let go of these things that I cannot control in order to celebrate time with friends and family, to cherish being loved and loving others.

And, yes, celebrating the Great News of an event that took place two thousand years ago that no bad news yet has convinced the world isn’t true.

God bless.

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Great news, Brent. I was praying for you today. I appreciate your tension of rejoicing and weeping. This is the nature of being one with Christ and each other….. someone is experiencing good providence while another finds themselves in the midst of hard providence. His presence in our lives transcends our temporary joys and sorrows. God has given us his church, the body, to process his providence together. Your posts have certainly edified the church here in Athens and beyond.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. dbrentw says:

    Thank you Hal. Merry Christmas

    Like

  3. Nancy says:

    Yes, revel privately in our own moments. I feel the same when I sit in the infusion center now for maintenance, lighter in mood and physicality than when the ‘drip bags ‘ hung with power over my head. I feel guilty having hair, albeit short, and a smile, knowing the pain in chairs surrounding me. Hard to balance both sides, but gratitude is the equalizer.
    Thrilled for God’s grace in your good results.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Tammy Andros says:

    For some reason, your post reminded me this morning to take the utmost best care of myself so I can serve God and my family better. Something I often fail at doing while I serve others. Many thanks for your blessing to me today. Thanks be to God for his mercy and the positive test results you have received. And lastly, may God have mercy on those who are suffering such a terrible loss at this time. A blessed Nativity to you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. denniscathey says:

    Brent-I read, absorb and share your every post. You are my inspiration. You set a high bar as a man and a Christian. Merry Christmas to all of your family. We must get together and catch up. With love…Dennis

    Sent from my iPad

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Eloquently said. It is so tenuous to hope on things which are not eternal and yet, I do it. Continuing to pray for healing and for sweet comfort and encouragement for your family.

    Liked by 1 person

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